DESCRIBING MY DAY/MONTH/YEAR RIGHT NOW THROUGH CREATIVE SWEARS

So for reference I have been watching A LOT of Veep lately ...

So ... basically all of the Trigger Warnings.

Ok. 

I have had the worst fucking year so far. Just a relentless whirlwind of shit. Without going into detail, it's like God started 2016 in a drunken rampage and has been constantly taking the belt to not only America and the World as a whole but also me in particular like I'm His redheaded stepchild and broke His last bottle of Jim Beam when he's got the DTs.
 
I mean, maybe it's been this way for everyone, I don't know. Facebook is so fucked I really have no idea but I have personally really had a motherfucking doozy of a year. I mean, it is like Shit Creek shot off a tributary that's a stream of vomit and I have been stuck without a paddle AND a boat.
 
I don't know if it's worse when you're in a shitstorm if you're in a shitstorm with no umbrella at all or if you had one at first but then it blows inside out and so you have to throw that fucker away right in the middle of said shitstorm. OH and when you go and buy a new umbrella someone steals it so it's like you're getting just constant shit from above and below.
 
It's like WHAT in the EVERLOVING VALLEY OF THE FUCKS is going on.
 
I used to not give a fuck. Like, I used to be the fucking Lao Tzu of not giving a fuck. I had transcended the plane where fucks even exist. Fucks could not be found because they were in the same place as the sound of one hand clapping. That is how motherloving far away from fucks I was.
 
Then it was like some drunk asshole friend SOMEFUCKINGHOW got me to volunteer at a pissant fucking magic show or some shit and that magician fuckwad HYPNOTIZED me into acting like a chicken with everyone else and make a complete ass out of myself OVER AND OVER until even I myself came to believe I was a fucking chicken and just marched myself into a KFmotherfuckingC.
 
WHAT. THE. FUCK. JESUS TAP DANCING CHRIST ON A CRACKER SOMEONE MAKE THIS STOP.
 
I would like to please stop losing jobs and boyfriends and friends and my insurance and celebrities that I care about and OTHER PEOPLE'S PETS APPARENTLY. Like OH MY FUCK everyone's pet died at once and I want to OLD YELLER myself.
And WHO do I need to BLOW to go ONE SINGLE GODDAMN DAY without a shooting and something about the election that makes me want to START a shooting?
 
I can't look at Facebook or the news or talk to another person without one of these things coming up like a dry heave filled with HAIR AND TURDS.
I'M SORRY AM I A FUCKING CAT?? WHAT IN THE FUCK FUCK GOOSE HAS HAPPENED? IS THIS PLANET OF THE RAPES? DID ZOMBIE HITLER DISCOVER TIME TRAVEL LIKE WHAT IN THE MOTHER OF FUCK DISRUPTED THE TIME SPACE CONTINUUM AND DECIDED TO FUCK US ALL WITH RUSTY CHAINSAWS?


.


I don't know if anyone else feels this way at all ... but it felt damn good to say that out loud even if my neighbors do have a straight jacket ready for me.

 
Oh PS my A/C was fixed today so THANK GOD FOR SMALL FAVORS.